Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Top 6 Reasons to Sign Up for Health Insurance at Healthcare.gov Today

6. You only have 10 days left to sign up for coverage starting January 1st.

5. Did somebody say excellent benefits? Like no denial for pre-existing conditions? Like keeping dependents on your plan until age 26? Like a bunch of free preventive care services? Like no lifetime caps? And in many cases premiums are lower than usual because of the expanded premium support? Why yes. Yes, I did. (And I’ll also say: Thanks, Democrats, for all of the above.)

Continued…

4. Your insurance card doubles as a convenient windshield scraper in winter and, when flapped back and forth, a gentle and eco-friendly cooling fan in the summer.

3. I can’t tell you what #3 is. You’ll just have to trust me. But it’s big.

2. Because enrolling means you’re, like, a responsible adult and stuff.

And the #1 reason, courtesy of Daily Kos’s brainwrap (aka Charles Gaba) at ACASignups.net, who keeps track of the numbers like no one else:

Again: 10 days left for coverage starting January 1.

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Note: I had one of those hyper-realistic dreams last night that there’s a long-lost copy of the Declaration of Independence behind one of the walls or maybe even under the floorboards in our apartment.  As soon as I post this, let’s grab some crowbars and find out.

By the Numbers:

CurrierandIvesCookieTourlogo.jpg
4 days!!!

Days ’til the 1st evening of Hanukkah: 2

Days ’til the 18th annual Currier and Ives Cookie Tour in New Hampshire‘s Monadnock region: 4

Amount that 200 million Americans spent while shopping during the five days from Thanksgiving to Cyber Monday: $9.8 billion

Amount that 34 million Americans donated to charities during Giving Tuesday: $3.1 billion

Number of deaths attributable to carbon monoxide poisoning at Airbnb homes in the last ten years: 19

Days Ron DeSantis’s new Super PAC director was on the job before he got fired: 9

Percent chance that Walmart pulled its advertising from Twitter because Elon Musk is an anti-Semitic lunatic: 100%

Puppy Pic of the Day: The Battle of the Bed rages on…

JEERS to the mighty Wurlitzer of dumb playing on. Let’s check in and see how the war between Israel and Hamas-in-Gaza is going as of five minutes ago:

“I hate you!”

    “I hate you more!”

“Dumbhead!”

    “Stupid britches!”

“Bleh bleh bleeeehhhh!!!”

    “Floo floo flooooooo!!!”

“You’re what’s wrong with this country!”

    “You’re what’s wrong with this planet!

“I’m screaming through a bullhorn at you!”

     “I’m blowing a whistle and banging a drum at you!

“Now I hate you even more!”

    “Well I hate you even more more!!!”

But enough about protesters over here. Anyone know how things are going over there?

JEERS to cutting and running. His presidential campaign message was firm and unequivocal: “I will never apologize! I will never back down! I will never quit!”  So it should come as no surprise, given that Republicans lie about everything, that his new message is, “I apologize, I’m backing down, and quitting.” And now his three supporters have to find a new contender to send their rolls of pennies to:

Doug Burgum is dropping out of the2024 Republican presidential primary, sources familiar with his decision told ABC News on Monday.

$2.5 million in bland-o-rama advertising down the terlet. 

The North Dakota governor had emphasized three key issues on the trail—the economy, energy and national security—but failed to gain traction with GOP voters. He was polling last on the list of major candidates tracked by 538’s national average and did not qualify for the most recent primary debate.

His withdrawal leaves many questions, such as: who will step in to fill his spot as the 14th-most-popular 2024 GOP candidate? And: what will he do now that he’s withdrawn from the race? And most important: Who???

CHEERS to “Martin Van Ruin.”  Our 8th president turns 241 today (but he doesn’t look a day over 239). In the “negative” column, he sat around picking his nose during the depression and panic of 1837, did nothing about slavery, and was on duty during the time of the shameful Trail of Tears.  In the “plus” column, he averted conflicts with Britain and Canada.  In the “sleeping on the couch” column, he never once mentioned his wife Hannah (who died at 36 before he reached the White House) in his autobiography.  Interesting tidbit from The Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O’Brien:

Martin Van Buren was renowned for not taking a stand.

President Martin Van Buren (1837-1841)
Van Buren’s nickname was “Old Kinderhook,” which was the genesis of the phrase we now know as “O.K.”

One story, which Van Buren admits to in his autobiography, tells how one senator accepted a bet that he could actually make Van Buren admit to something with finality.  “It’s been rumored that the sun rises in the east,” said the senator to Van Buren.  “Do you believe it?” “Well, Senator,” came the reply, “I understand that’s the common acceptance, but as I never get up till after dawn, I can’t really say.”

Oh, and before his one-way trip to the Alamo, Congressman Davy Crocket said: “Martin Van Buren is laced up in corsets, such as women in a town wear, and if possible tighter than the best of them. It would be difficult to say from his personal appearance, whether he was a man or a woman, but for his large red and gray whiskers.”  Fox News would never hire Crockett as a pundit today. Too restrained.

SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to sweet victory.  On December 5, 1792, George Washington won reelection. It was a brutal campaign.  His challenger was a real jerk named…um…George Washington.  Watching him debate himself was actually a little creepy:

“Shan’t!”

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Fact: Washington’s win was due to a little girl’s suggestion that he grow whiskers.

“Shall!”

“Shan’t!”

“Shall!”

”Thou can’st sticketh a rubber—or rubber-like, depending upon the seasonal availability of materials—hose uppeth thy snooty Virginia nose.”

“Thy wife weareth the boots of a paymaster in the Continental Army!”

“Okay, okay…thou hast me there, I concedeth the point.”

“Then bullocks to you, I win!”

Did I mention he owned his own distillery?

CHEERS to rising from the ashes. Over yonder in California‘s Big Basin Redwoods Park, where in 2020 wildfires did that thing that wildfires do, something good is happening: the iconic trees are coming back…

The park’s famed old-growth redwoods, some of which tower more than 250 feet and date back more than 1,500 years, are nearly all green again, showing significant amounts of new growth after the wildfire’s flames charred their bark black and for a while gave them a doomed appearance.

BOULDER CREEK - AUGUST 20: A redwood tree burns near Big Basin Redwoods State Park Headquarters & Visitor Center in Boulder Creek, Calif., on Thursday, Aug. 20, 2020. (Randy Vazquez/ Bay Area News Group)
“It’s just a flesh wound.”

“Coast redwoods are just supremely fire adapted, and were well-prepared for this fire event, and they seem to be recovering, at least so far,” said biologist Drew Peltier, an assistant professor at the University of Nevada Las Vegas, who has studied Big Basin’s post-fire recovery.

Let’s hope we can say the same thing about democracy in 11 months.

Ten years ago in C&J: December 5, 2013

CHEERS to Jettin’ Joe.  Vice President Biden strapped on Jetpack 2 and rocketed over to Asia for a week of grippin’ and grinnin’ with folks in Japan, China and South Korea.  Here’s his schedule for today, via the White House:

• Vice President Biden arrives in Beijing, China.

• Later, Vice President Biden attends a welcome ceremony with Vice President Li Yuanchao followed by a bilateral meeting.

• Then, the Vice President holds a bilateral meeting with President Xi Jinping of China.

• In the evening, the Vice President will attend a dinner hosted by President Xi.

Fingers crossed that he doesn’t walk up to Xi and say, “Greetings, President Eleven!”

And just one more…

JEERS to perilous playthings.  I probably should’ve mentioned this item a couple weeks ago before the entire country went shopping for toys over the Thanksgiving holiday.  The Public Interest Research Group is out with their latest list of the most dangerous toys, and the good news is that, on the whole, toys are safer than ever. As usual, toys whose chemical levels are too big, noise levels are too loud, or whose parts are too small topped the list. (Balloons get a special mention as the top choking hazard.)  And in the internet age there’s another hazard parents should watch for: “connected toys” that hoover up your kids’ personal information in possible violation of privacy and consumer protection laws. Meanwhile, the Cheers and Jeers Public Safety Commission and Unlicensed Liquor Institute has a few additions that the PIRG missed:

The Li’l Warrior Happy 57E6 Surface to Air Missile: Could pose a choking hazard to children 5 and under; may also be detrimental to flowerbeds.

Tickle Me Vladimir Action Figure: May cause World War III. Also cusses a lot.

On August 6, 2012, a fire and explosion at a Chevron refinery in Richmond, Calif. caused 15,000 people to seek medical treatment.
And don’t get us started on the potential hazards of Exxon’s Junior Happy Fun Oil Refinery Explosion Playset. (Evacuation loudspeakers sold separately.)

Playskool Mexico-Funded U.S. Border Wall: No particular danger to kids, but parents should know that this is just an empty box.

Baby’s First Papa John’s Pizza Bake Set: Considered dangerous because the end product is Papa John’s pizza. [See also: Baby’s First Godfather’s Pizza Bake Set]

Mike Pence Gives A Speech Play Set: May cause children to die of boredom. Adults, too. And pets. And microorganisms.

Make America Great Again baseball cap: Side effects include lower IQ, frothing at the mouth, and delusions that Daddy’s coal job is coming back.

Ho Ho Ho!  You’ve been warned.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

There shouldn’t be any more Cheers and Jeers kiddie pools permitted anywhere in the world.”

—John Kerry

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