Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Brain Shoots Blanks

Via The Daily Show, why Republicans make such terrible game show contestants…

Better luck next time.

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Note: Now available in your local grocer’s deli section: fresh, crispy Good King Wences Slaw with…now with real bits of Wences. Pick some up today!

By the Numbers:

3 days!!!

Days ’til 2024: 19

Days ’til the Edaville Festival of Lights in Carver, Massachusetts: 3

Portion of women who are now traveling across state lines to get an abortion, versus less than 1-in-10 before the Dobbs decision: 1-in-5

Rank of Illinois, North Carolina, and New Mexico among states with the most out-of-state abortion patients: #1, #2, #3

Percent of Ireland‘s total electricity that was generated by wind power last Wednesday: 70%

Percent chance that Washington state’s ban on “conversion therapy” for LGBT minors will remain on the books after the Supreme Court refused to hear a challenge to it: 100%

Amount a first edition copy of “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” from 1997—of which only 500 were printed—fetched at auction after someone found it in a bargain book bin in the Scottish Highlands: $69,000

Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 5 gogs and 1 countdown to CHRISTmas).  Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

Puppy Pic of the Day:  Arf…

CHEERS to less sticker shock. Here’s another reason for Americans to irrationally hate on President Joe Biden: the economy is still improving…

The U.S. government said that prices for consumers inched higher in November, but that the pace of inflation continued to slow from last year.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics released its consumer price index Tuesday morning. It said that overall prices for urban consumers rose 0.1% in November compared with October. […]

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“The best news for consumers right now is on gas prices, which have fallen in late 2023 as domestic oil production hit a new record high,” said Bill Adams, chief economist for Comerica Bank, told NBC News. “The biggest sore point for consumers is food, which is at a record high, and shelter prices, where inflation is high as measured by CPI.”

One category, however, still maintains record-high inflation: lungs attached to the vocal cords of Trump supporters.

CHEERS to welcome visitors. Strapping on his jetpack Sunflower One, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy flew over to the United  States steep, fast, and brimming with pluck yesterday, where he met with President Biden and various senators to re-open the aid pipeline:

The hope among Biden’s team is that Zelensky can convince lawmakers, and particularly Republicans, of the necessity for more aid to replenish his war chests. Administration officials have long viewed Zelensky as his country’s most effective advocate, and he has spent the 21 months since Russia invaded in February 2022 addressing international parliaments, assemblies, summits and award shows to muster support.

SenatorsmeetwithZelenskyyDecember122023.jpg
Zelenskyy meeting woth senators yesterday.

Zelensky made a direct appeal for more security aid on Monday during a speech at the National Defense University in Washington, saying Russian President Vladimir Putin is seeing his “dreams come true” as delays continue in Congress.

Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin strapped on a fresh diaper and called up his buddies in Belarus and North Korea, then begged for more of their high-tech weaponry including potato catapults, all-terrain Yugos, and pointed sticks. All were agreed to except the latter as they could poke someone’s eye out.

CHEERS to happy gays.  50 years ago this week, in 1973, the American Psychiatric Association declared that homosexuality is not a mental illness.  But to this day they still declare that being a Log Cabin Republican is “puzzling.”

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to trapping a very large rat.  20 years ago today, members of the 4th Infantry Division’s 1st Brigade found Saddam Hussein stinking up a “spider hole” near Tikrit.  He was given a public trial and then executed.  Or as Hussein himself would’ve said when he was still in power: “Hey, you did that backwards.”

CHEERS to blue faces in red places. Congratulations are in order for Andy Beshear, the common-sense Democrat who was elected to a second term as Kentucky’s governor and made it official yesterday:

Beshear, 46, was sworn in shortly after midnight before a gathering of family, friends and supporters—a Bluegrass State ritual every four years to ensure continuity at the head of state government.

Kentucky Governor and Democratic candidate for re-election Andy Beshear greets supporters during a campaign stop, Saturday, Nov. 4, 2023, in Owensboro, Ky. (Greg Eans/The Messenger-Inquirer via AP)
A governor of the people.

In winning reelection by more than 67,000 votes, Andy Beshear emphasized his stewardship over record economic growth, railed against what he said was his opponent’s extreme position on abortion and cultivated a reputation as an empathetic leader through a series of crises, including tornadoes, flooding and the global pandemic.

Competence and compassion. What a concept.

Ten years ago in C&J: December 13, 2013

JEERS to rude awakenings.  Are you a heavy sleeper or a light sleeper?  Me, I tend to wake up to most sounds pretty easily—horn honks, snow plow going by, Grandma making that crackling sound as her apparition hovers over my bed.  So I can’t begin to understand how you can be a passenger on an airliner and sleep so heavily that you don’t feel the landing, get overlooked by the flight crew during their final check, and wake up in a dark, empty plane.  Tom Wagner says he frantically called his girlfriend because he was desperate to get out as fast as possible.  And in other news, the Guinness Book of World Records plans to include Wagner in the next edition as the world’s first passenger to ever complain about having too much legroom.

And just one more…

CHEERS to nature’s fabulous light show.  If you’re up late tonight and you have a desire to feel small and insignificant, here’s something you’ll love: the Geminid meteor shower is putting on a show that’s…

expected to peak in 2023 on the morning of December 14.  The Geminids are a reliable shower for those who watch around 2 a.m. local time from a dark-sky location. We also often hear from those who see Geminid meteors in the late evening hours. This year, a very young waxing crescent moon will set early in the evening and before the radiant rises. So you’ll have dark skies for viewing the meteor shower on those peak nights and mornings.

Meteor shower
To heighten the experience, make little whooshing sounds when you see a meteor.

The bold, white, bright Geminids give us one of the Northern Hemisphere’s best showers. The Geminids are also visible, at lower rates, from the Southern Hemisphere. The meteors are plentiful, rivaling the August Perseids. […]

Geminid meteors tend to be bold, white and quick.

They say you’ll need twenty minutes or so of staring into total darkness before your eyes get properly adjusted.  Or, to speed up the process, you can just spend 30 seconds staring into Elon Musk’s soul.

Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“Interesting that I read the whole thing and I wasn’t even stoned.”

—Joy Behar

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