Donald Trump wants to sell you the suit off his back (and some worthless ‘trading’ cards)

In December 2022, Donald Trump introduced a set of “digital trading cards” featuring a ridiculously fit version of Trump in a series of even more ridiculous AI-generated or photoshopped images. Old-timey sheriff Trump; astronaut Trump; duck hunter Trump—there were multiple versions of superhero Trump, including one where he’s stealing the “Dark Brandon” meme and shooting red laser beams out of his eyes. Probably at the Constitution.

The cards sold for $99 each, and Trump supporters reportedly snagged all 45,000, giving Trump a quick payday for doing nothing more than hyping his followers up with talk of a “major announcement” that turned out to be a cheap grift. Trump pushed those original cards not just as “a great Christmas gift,” but as an investment. Since then the entire digital art market has collapsed, with 95% of all NFTs reportedly worthless as of this fall.

So naturally, Trump is doing it again with—and this is not a joke—the new “mugshot edition.” This time, those who buy 47 cards get a special bonus for their $4,700 investment: a signed scrap of the suit Trump was wearing when he was arrested for racketeering in Georgia.

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The new series of cards presents the same largely AI-generated madness as the first set. You can find Trump wearing what appears to be a stainless steel corset and a purple suit as he breaks free from a set of chains; Trump carrying a bolt of lightning; and what might be most fantastical of all—Trump and Melania standing contentedly side by side.

There’s also a card in which Trump seems to be using the Lincoln Memorial as a toilet.

As with the previous set, most of these cards will be tiny variations on a few basic themes. The original set includes such thrillers as Trump holding up a big foam finger on a gray background. And a blue background. And a background with stars. And now doing it all again with a MAGA hat. So expect those versions of cyber Trump, samurai Trump, Trump as a reject from the TV show “Dallas,” and Trump doing something unspeakable to the Lincoln statue to appear on many cards with many slight differences.

But that’s not the big draw of the “mugshot edition.” For those who go all in and spend enough to buy a top-of-the-line tailored Armani suit, Trump has something very special–-about a square inch of fabric supposedly snipped from the wrinkled blue suit he was wearing when he was arrested and forced to face the camera in Fulton County, Georgia.

The site is advertising Trump’s sliced-up suit as (and again, this is serious) “the most historically significant artifact in United States history.” Take that, all you losers at the Smithsonian.

Trump is also claiming that those who snap up this fabulous offer can expect to meet him for dinner. But considering Trump’s record when it comes to meeting these obligations, they really shouldn’t count on it. Maybe that’s a good thing, because the only person desperate enough to buy 47 of these cards, just to get a chance to meet Trump, is probably Eric.

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Markos and Kerry give their thoughts on what the country is facing in 2024. The Republican Party is running on losing issues like abortion and repealing the ACA—with no explanation of what they plan on replacing it with. Trump has a lot of criming to atone for, and the Republican platform remains set on destroying democracy.

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