Reddit conspiracists discover climate change—and their minds are blown

No one will ever accuse the regulars over at Reddit’s r/conspiracy community of, er, conspiracy theorists of being the brightest our society has to offer. But it finally dawned on one of them that weirdly, the climate has changed.

Most agreed that, sure, the seasons were hinky, and the salient question quickly became why. As you’d expect from a gaggle of conspiracists, the explanations were … something.

Here’s the original post:

Seasons are shifting.

Ive lived in this US state all my life, 40 years. And i am certain the season s are shifting.

Winter is way late, and spring is also way late. By two months ish.

Anyone have more info on this? Agree disagree?

Big question: Anyone have more info on this? I wonder if there are entire fields of study devoted to the changing climate, with scientific conclusions based on extensive evidence. But hey, why Google for answers that might lead to stuff like this when you can instead ask your fellow conspiracists what they think?

This is called “doing your own research” in the biz.

Of course, people have lots of “research” to offer up. Let’s start with the lizard people:

In the movie They Live, the truthers were trying to warn everyone that TBTB were purposely polluting Earth for their agenda.

“Look around at the environment we live in. Carbon dioxide, fluorocarbons, and methane have increased since 1958. Earth is being acclimatized. They are turning our atmosphere into their atmosphere.” – Bearded man

They Live” is a feature film by John Carpenter, the creator of the “Halloween” franchise. “TBTB” is the acronym for “the powers that be,” which refers to lizard people in some internet circles.

The response to that comment?

Makes sense! The reptilians aren’t a fan of super cold weather..

No, wait, it’s the Jews Illuminati!

It’s CIA/Illuminati Space Weather Control!

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, is that you? Wait, that was Jewish space lasers, ha ha. It’s hard to keep these people straight sometimes!

But maybe it’s the military-industrial complex?

They’re altering the jet stream in the northern hemisphere with Geoengineering. Raytheon and Lockheed own most of the patents. There are multiple motives. Watch the documentary called The Dimming.

No, I’m not going to watch that “documentary.” I’m not a masochist. Anyway, it’s clearly the government to blame.

its called climate control and bio weapons that the government uses it to its advantage. China already does this to its country, they can manipulate the weather. Also, the US is constantly spraying shit in the air so that might have a cause too along with manipulating weather like china.

Welcome to Agenda 2030.

Bioweapons control the weather? Intriguing! Please send me your newsletter!

Actually, please don’t, but in this subreddit, that was intriguing enough for someone to ask, “What is Agenda 2030?” The answer wasn’t “a United Nations blueprint for a sustainable, prosperous global future.” Nope, that would’ve been too accurate. Instead:  

Essentially, they use the climate change bs to get away with a lot of corporate actions that affect people like us from our daily lives being more controlled. A lot of shit happens behinds the scenes to make this legit.

All the research is controlled opposition b/c its ultimately funded by the same bad players and also the media is more controlled them ever to push a certain viewpoint, so unless you have rational to think critically, anyone can be fooled. For example, the Carnegie’s fooled the US to replace natural remedies for sickness/ diseases with lab created chemical pills that most people use today to stay sick. Do you remember when Doctor’s were saying cigarettes weren’t bad for you (you probably weren’t born yet), guess who was funding that viewpoint..

Sure, there is research by big pharmas, medical institutions, etc. but are they in the best interest for you from the funding they get to push certain viewpoints is the question you should ask yourself.

Bill gates’ was famous for manipulating data as well to get certain outcomes, there is even a book about it online lol. And don’t get me started with that man, bc he also pushes the climate change agenda so he can keep owning most of the US commercial farmland and control the food supply with all the poison shit those corporations keep fucking us through price gouging. Next time you go to your grocery and see how little you get every time for your hard-earned money, thank your climate change bs for doing that.

There you have it—corporate greed is the result of climate change. That and Bill Gates, who really just wants to cure malaria in Africa and likely owns little U.S. farmland.

Actually … I looked it up—“did my own research,” so to speak—and it turns out that Bill Gates does own farmland! He owns 270,000 acres, which is not insignificant (though nowhere near the number conspiracists like this one claim). In short, farmland is a safe investment. That’s it. This brings its own set of “late-stage capitalism” issues, but none of those have anything to do with climate change.

Now, there are those who admit climate change is real, but the real problem is those profiting from it all:

Climate change is a classic example of something real and bad happening and the cabal using the whole emergency to enrich themselves and take away our rights. As much as I want to preserve the planet for future generations we absolutely cannot give an inch of freedom to these psychotic freaks who want us to starve

Sure, it would be nice to have a planet in the future, but not if the cabal profits from fixing the problem!

Let’s check in on the folks who pretend to speak science:

You can be a bit more nuanced then “the carbon!! We gotta tax the plebes, force them to get smart stoves and ban all non-electric heating devices!”. Lot of factors in play for climate other than CO2. It’s a dynamic system. Take for example the earth’s weakening magnetic field. This is causing auroras to appear as low as Texas. That means a lot of solar radiation is making it to earth. The biggest factor to a warm earth is definitely the sun.

Wait, the sun is to blame for heat on Earth? MIND BLOWN.

Nobody commented on the earth wobbling yet? Did anybody else see that video of an old Inuit man talking about the position of the sun, changed from what it used to be?

I mean, there’s the pole shift, yes, but before that even happens, we do have the wobble. It’s measurable. I gotta think that has something to do with the seasons sliding timewise.

Pro tip: If no one on a conspiracy forum mentions the crazy thing you are thinking, maybe you keep it to yourself next time.

Still, why are we wasting time on “science”? It’s all bunk, and here’s the slam-dunk evidence why:

Do you really believe we are going 66,600 mph around the sun right now?

Seems ridiculous, right? And notice that number. Not 66,700? How can we be sure. That’s an err on the side of fuckstickery, no?

Check out WHAT THEY SAY. Does it really seem believable to you?

I Googled and saw 67,000 miles per hour, but really, the core argument here isn’t the supposed satanic number that prankster scientists supposedly are using to punk humanity. It’s the rejection of the notion that we’re even moving at any speed around the sun.

Okay …

Not only that, but we’re heading into the solar maximum next year and into 2025. So the sun is hotter than usual, making for longer summers. The poles on the sun are flipping, as well. So not only are we near the solar maximum. But this particular cycle is suppose to be stronger than normal. Due to the increase in amount as well as the size of sun spots and CMEs.

Now the actual conspiracy theory, is this. The global elite are using the current extra active solar cycle to push the global climate change narrative. In order to bring about a carbon/social credit system. Linking this system to the digital financial system they’re currently in the process of switching over to as we speak.

What a dastardly conspiracy that would, uh, do … something? I mean, implementing a “carbon-social credit system” doesn’t live up to the hype of being controlled by lizard people or mind-altering chemtrails.

As for the pseudoscience, who the hell knows what that’s all about. (This thread was brigaded by pro-science people, and one of them notes that the sun is hotter this year—by less than a tenth of 1%.) But it’s funny that some of them pretend that the warmer winter is a brand-new phenomenon this year and not part of a long-term trend.

How about we check in on the religious conspiracists?:

And more will line up, to wake up as many as who will wake up before the rapture happens and operation blue beam kicks in. There is gonna be a radicalization of alot of people, Christian’s into soul saving and everyone else into utter chaotic and unhinged stuff that they will convince themselves is normal.

When Jesus in the Bible said “O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?” It was in reference to the absolute depravity that the Roman’s were doing and the Pharisees had allowed into the culture of Israel as well. Pharisees we’re doing their corrupt stuff, and the true believers like John the Baptist the apostles etc we’re working for the faith as hard as they could cause they knew the time had come.

Similarly Christian’s know the time has come and you’ll see the real Christian’s begging people to turn to the faith before the tribulation starts. I don’t want anyone to go through that time, I’m doing the utmost to show people all these conspiracies and agandas are against Jesus. Evolution is a lie made up by a Freemason. And all their “work” as they like to call it, is to bring forth the new world order, just like they had during the Tower of Babel. One world govt, one world religion, one world language, and one world money. There’s nothing more satanic than a single govt you can’t escape from that will chip you. God broke up the Tower of Babel govt/system by breaking their language and it’s the first time in history that almost the whole world can comunícate since that day. All of it has been done before and all that’s to come is prophecied. Whoever reads this, I’m praying for you, I pray you experience things so out of this world. So amazing, so awesome, and so powerful, and such blessings that you can see and only attribute them to Jesus. Like life altering blessings. I’ll be praying for you guys and I hope you will wake up.

I’m praying this guy learns how to use apostrophes correctly, or is that satanic as well?

Did you know there are anti-Trump conspiracy theorists? I didn’t realize it either.

It’s the republican communists (aka Trump) using the HAARP installation in Alaska to usher in a communist takeover of north America.

Hear me out: all those changing weather patterns will lead to droughts in the corn basket. Therefore importa from Russia and the soon to be annexed Ukraine become mandatory to keep the population fed.

Which in turn will be laced with drugs to make the populace compliant. This is were Trump swoops in and abolishes the free markets for a communist regime to appear his master in the Kremlin.

The enemy of my enemy is …

Nope, don’t want this guy anywhere near me. I swear, there are proven Trump conspiracies—why invent fake ones? Is the fake elector scheme too boring for these people? What about the Heritage Foundation’s plan to insert loyalists in key positions if Trump is elected next year? Or Russia’s efforts to use social media to impact election results as recently as last year?

I looked up HAARP, and it’s a research facility that is studying the earth’s ionosphere. It is operated by the University of Alaska Fairbanks, which is clearly trying to mind its own business and do science while these nuts accuse it of the dumbest schemes. Check out this exchange:

Lordofmany: It’s a product of geo engineering, weather modification and manipulation.

Through weather modification they are quite literally causing “climate change” and climate change cannot be openly talked about without first addressing weather modification agendas like geo engineering.

KlutzyPassage9870: HAARP

RikySticky: They use HAARP to raise the ionosphere and modify the weather. Dangerous to play with being you could end up slowing down earth’s rotation leading to further problems.

Too bad none of these people have it right. It’s chemtrails!

I wonder if those planes that pour the diy clouds on us all day everyday have anything to do with it? Seriously though? I’m outside a lot and anytime the sky is blue in the morning you can bet your ass that by 1 pm it’s blanketed by thick ever expanding clouds brought to us by the nonstop flights in literally every direction in the sky. no way there’s that many pilots. They often seem close, and they don’t make a sound. They gotta be drones. Autonomous aircraft’s that are flown by one person. And that one person is probably capable of controlling a few dozen at once. Just dumping it on us whatever “it” is. Definitely weather manipulating of some kind.

That’s all well and good, but why isn’t anyone talking about the real problem—time manipulation?

Time is going by way too fast also. My whole household has noticed it, and even my 14 yr old son says kids at school have even mentioned it.

It’s like 4 hours feels like an hour and a half. This is beyond simple DST adjustment. This feels different and unusual.

Ha ha, that’s ridiculous, but keep an eye on that dastardly DST! There might be a conspiracy lurking around that.

It also feels like daylight savings is getting more extreme, getting Dark around 4pm in the winter and 9pm in the summer is a bit more extreme than I remember in the 80’s/90’s.

This local hot spot like on the clouds shouldn’t happen with the sun as far away as they say.

If you triangulate the altitude based on the corpuscular rays it puts the sun way closer. Ever see the sun from a high altitude balloon? It just looks way closer, which shouldn’t be the case as far away as they say.

The sun is weird.

So weird how the sun snuck up on Earth, which somehow made DST “more extreme.”

The flat-earth people, sorry to say, mailed it in.

Flat earth theory could be the reason

One person did nail an actual conspiracy:

The conspiracy is oil companies / countries doing everything they can to convince people that there is no need for alternatives and even if there were, they aren’t viable.

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Jennifer Fernandez Ancona from Way to Win joins “The Brief” to talk about how bad Republican messaging has been and what Democrats need to say to win in 2024.

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