Lara Trump is the perfect example of Republican ‘merit’

Donald Trump’s daughter-in-law Lara is both a famous singer and a noted dog lover. Soon enough, she’ll also add a new title: co-chair of the Republican National Committee. 

When she stepped onto the stage at Conservative Political Action Conference on Thursday, Lara made it clear that there was only one reason for her many accomplishments: She earned it.

After getting in a requisite dig about trans girls competing in sports—which is apparently the top concern of Republican voters—Lara declared that there was one other thing of singular importance that she wants her daughter to know. “I want her to understand that in the United States of America, we get ahead and succeed by merit, and merit alone.”

Then she explained how she “had the great honor of being endorsed by my father-in-law Donald Trump to co-chair the RNC.” Because that’s also merit. 

That may sound like rank hypocrisy, but who could really claim that being married to Eric Trump isn’t one of America’s worst jobs?

Lara Trump also explained how she puts her kids to bed each evening by having them recite the pledge of allegiance. Which may sound pretty cold when she’s talking about a four-year-old and a six-year-old. But it probably beats bedtime stories about her road trips on the “Trump-Pence Women’s Empowerment Tour.” (Yes, dammit, that was a real thing.)

What’s clear now is that Lara Trump really has been empowered. Empowered to be a money chute for her father-in-law, who needs to tap a new source of ready cash to pay all his legal bills. And sure, Trump has theoretically named a new chairman—North Carolina Republican Party Chair Michael Whatley—to run the party, but there’s little doubt about the division of labor. Whatley’s task is working out how to handle election fraud, just like the fraud that other Republicans suspect Whatley committed when he took over the North Carolina GOP. 

Lara will handle the money. Line up, Republican donors. You know where it’s going.

As a selection to run this grift, Lara Trump works well. And why not? She has years of grifting experience. Besides, she’s not so bad. She only allegedly helped funnel money from a charity that was supposed to help homeless dogs, into Donald Trump’s pocket. Her husband reportedly lifted money from a charity to help kids with cancer. On an evil scale of one to 10, she’s … no, fuck it. She’s still pretty evil. The singing gives it away.

Anyway, Lara’s role of making sure “every penny” donated to the RNC moves directly into Trump’s legal fund could be a short-term gig. Rumor has it that, despite having quite a few names on his VP shortlist, his daughter-in-law may be the only name he needs.

Donald Trump and Lara Trump could be the Republican dream couple. After all, Melania is 53 and doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about shedding her terry cloth robe and getting back on the campaign trail. It’s about time that Donald had someone younger and more enthusiastic at his side.

Sorry about that, Eric.

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