Late-night talk show hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert tackled Donald Trump’s historic criminal trial, which kicked off on Monday. Kimmel joked that the “trial is expected to last six weeks or until the courtroom sketch artist runs out of orange—whichever comes first.”
“The official name of the trial is ‘The People of the State of New York vs. Donald Trump.’ The People of the State of New York. That’s us!” Colbert enthused, before quieting the applauding audience. “I know you’re excited, but don’t cheer too loud. We need you to get picked for jury duty.”
Kimmel brought up the existing gag order against Trump, which forbids him from making inflammatory statements about witnesses, court staffers’ families, or the case itself.
So, of course, on his way into the courtroom this morning, Felonious Monk immediately violated that order.
Kimmel played some of Trump’s bizarre courthouse statements to the press, including his characterization of the trial as “an assault on America,” with Trump claiming that’s “why I’m very proud to be here. This is an assault on our country.”
Kimmel added:
He’s proud to be there for the assault on our country, is proud to be at his trial for paying off a porn star. Who wouldn’t be proud of that? Gosh, I only wish his parents were alive to see it.
The reports that Trump fell asleep in the courtroom didn’t get a pass from Kimmel, who joked that “if Biden is ‘Sleepy Joe,’ I guess that makes you ‘Dozo the Clown.’”
Of course, Trump’s biggest beef on Monday seemed to be the fact that, because this is a criminal trial, his presence is required every day. Kimmel pointed out that this is likely “to drive him insane. It’s like making an 8-year-old go to six weeks of church.”
Playing a clip of Trump whining that New York State Supreme Court Judge Juan Merchan wouldn’t allow him to attend his son Barron’s high school graduation in Florida next month (something that Merchan has yet to make a ruling on), Kimmel feigned empathy:
‘The judge won’t even let me go to graduation for the son who was four months old when I cheated on his mother with the porn star I’m accused of paying.’
Colbert worried about how the trial could restrict Trump’s reelection campaign.
Trump still has a presidential campaign to run. His team claims that even on some court days, Trump will hold both in-person and virtual events. That’s going to make for some awkward trial moments. [In his Trump voice] ‘Your honor, can we wrap this up, please? Because I am late for a rally … where I call for your execution.’
Enjoy!
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